Reflections of Reno Chapter 5
An Alley of Aqua Vitae
By Christina Bruno
"Blood shot, deadbeat, lack of sleep
Making your mascara bleed
Tears down your face
Leaving traces of my mistakes."
-Green Day, Church on Sunday
Tifa sighed as she proceeded to take out the garbage for the last time. She
opened the dumpster and easily tossed the heavy black bags in, it seemed that
her strength was only of use for such menial tasks as this these days. Not that
she craved danger and adventure all that much, but the urge to fight sometimes
still quelled within her. When that happened a punching bag would normally bear
the brunt of her frustrations. The strong scent of the dumpster abruptly
assaulted her nostrils. Nothing could stop the putrid smell that filled her
scenes. Yet there was something homey about the scent. It was the Scent of
Sector 7 after all.
Midgar…
She remembered her days there as a bar tender. She led a simple life, but found pleasure in it. She would feed her friends and make them smile. It was something she enjoyed; making people happy. The hideous truth was that no matter how vigorous her efforts were sometimes she just couldn't satisfy certain people. The energy she wasted on attempting to do cost her, her own happiness. But those days were long gone, no use thinking about them now.
Midgar lay collapsed on the next continent. It stood as a bleak symbol. Midgar represented their past transgression: their abuse of the planet. If even someone dared to think of Mako energy, the image of Midgar stood engraved in their mind as a warning. Midgar slept, never to reawake. It was a reminder of the mistreatment that they had bestowed upon the planet.
"Fuck you." A cold voice interrupted Tifa's train of thought.
Tifa turned, shaking herself from her reverie to see a slouched figure cloaked by the darkness. He sat with his knees in the air, a bottle in his hand covered with a wrinkled paper bag. His very posture suggested he was distraught, and indeed he was. For her words had gotten the best of him although he hated to admit it. They had stirred what he had for so long managed to suppress.
She glared at the speaker who she immediately recognized as the fiery Turk.
"What are you doing here? You already cost me my job!" Of course, she was referring to the prior incident with the hooker. An incident that her boss did not look kindly on, considering she had 'assaulted' a customer. He had fired her, and why not? Although Tifa's culinary skills were beyond compare, there were constantly suitable people lined up to accept jobs. She was expendable, and it made her shiver. She'd been expendable to him as well...
A soft and bitter laugh escaped Reno's lips, as he hung his head in shame. He was ashamed of everything he had done, past and present. It was the alcohol that made him come to his senses, strangely enough. Made his more vulnerable and emotional side take control. But as they say in vinum est veritus*.
"Looks like you got a taste of your own medicine." He responded coldly while loosening his grip on the bottle just a bit.
"Some people never change." She said almost regretfully, shaking her head. She pulled the top of the dumpster down and turned back again. Her foot descended on one of the three small steps that led back into the kitchen.
"Yea." He mumbled, "Bet when Cloud stop's short you're head still go straight up his ass."
Tifa stopped, she felt a cold chill creep up her spine at the mention of Cloud's name. Cloud was gone, it seemed eons since she had last seen him in Cosmo Canyon. Not long enough perhaps. Last she had seen he was still consumed in studying the ways of the Planet and Lifestream. His would read books for hours, caring nothing for himself, or anyone else for that matter.
Tifa was stayed with Red XII, now usually called Nanaki, all the while. He would tell her many stories about his battles and she would listen intently. He was her only company, and sometimes she thought he pitied her for her unreturned loyalty. Eventually however Tifa began to feel desperation take hold. Her devotion for Cloud was waning, as his infatuation for the lost Aeris was waxing.
One morning, she awoke enlightened. She knew that no matter what she did for Cloud he would never bestow his affections upon her. She knew that Cloud would always love Aeris. It hurt, but it was time she woke up and looked after herself. It was useless, and she did not blame Aeris, she couldn't. There is no control for emotions. Cloud was so blind and that wasn't anyone else fault except his own. Yes, he had vied for her affections as a child and now he had them. Now his priorities had changed and he was unsatisfied with her. He never looked at Tifa they way he looked at Aeris. With this in mind she had hopped out of bed and gathered her things.
"Where are you going…?" Cloud muttered.
"…I'm leaving. I will never be good enough for you." Tifa held back her tears, she would cry for him another time. Now she had to do what she had to do. He never showed any emotion, she'd be damned if she let him see her in an emotional state.
Cloud did not seem to understand. "You said you would come with me to go find her."
Tifa just shook her head in defeat, and walked out. Cloud stood bewildered at her exit. She didn't know what happened to him after that, maybe he found Aeris, maybe he didn't. But if he did, Christine would definitely have covered it in her column. Tifa never looked back, for all that was behind her was pain and anguish, all that was there were expectations she could never live up to.
"I don't believe theres enough room up there, along with Clouds head to. I don't care anyway." She shook her head, attempting to shake the memories from her mind. "I haven't seen him in a long time, and I will stay that way."
"He always was an asshole. A lot of people don't know a good thing, until its gone." Reno looked up at her, his blue eyes flashing in the dim alleyway.
She rolled her eyes. Was Reno so drunk that he actually pitied her? Well, she didn't need his pity. She didn't need his sympathy. She was at a loss as to how to respond. She thought perhaps she should say Thank You, or a simple and rude whatever, but she didn't have time because Reno initiated the conversation yet again.
"I came here to tell you something. I'm not a drunk and I'm not a murderer." Reno said, tossing the bottle against the wall. A few pieces were shattered, but nothing to drastic. It was in the paper bag after all.
"Then why you are drunk now?" She came back cleverly cocking her head with a smirk.
"You never had a couple of drinks when you got pissed off? Too bad I drank this much tonight. I made a mistake...thought I had reason enough to have a few." He sighed, hanging his head once more.
Too bad? She thought. He would never say the words I'm sorry. Reno was too proud, even when he was drunk. In a way, she began to pity him. At least he admitted he had made a mistake. Yet who was his kidding? All of those people he slaughtered! He killed so many of her friends; people that helped her start a new life in Midgar.
"And what about being a murderer?"
"Murderer, no. Assassin, yes." He smirked to himself, justifying his actions in his own mind. "I was doing my job."
"Your job?" She scoffed, "Don't you have a conscience?!" She took another step up towards the kitchen, having suddenly become extremely angry.
"Let me ask you something." He slurred slightly.
"What?" Tifa turned her head, looking at him with annoyance evident on her pretty features. He seemed so solemn, sad, and lonely. Lonely? Him? She was at any rate. Sure, she visited Barret every so often, but he was a coal miner; he was only off at night. She worked nights; there was no time for her to visit. He had his own life anyway, and she needed to find hers.
"When Avalanche blew up the reactors, don't you think people were hurt? You don't think that people's dreams died? You don't think that you killed a part of the people that built them: people that lived for science and progression. Now all they have left is a few books and pieces of coal."
Tifa couldn't deny it. He did have a point. But what were a few people's dreams, in contrast to an entire planet. Reno was wrong, but was good at defending himself. He must have been doing a lot of thinking lately, surprising to say the least.
Tifa's ears perked up as she heard sirens in the distance. Reno jumped up, and almost fell over. He leaned up against the wall looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. He spoke with desperation in his eyes words that she never thought he would say to anyone let alone her.
"Hide me. They're after me."